Where Does It End?

When my children were young I found one of the most difficult aspects of motherhood was consistency in setting guidelines and in resulting discipline. As the mother of any child will attest, it's not easy to always have that "good mommy" frame of mind, at least it was not easy for me. Consequently, between my three children (and as a result of the fact of their completely different personalities), my own method of mommyhood changed drastically from child to child, as my own personal maturity and the circumstances of our family life changed. How easy it was to look back in later years and criticize myself for all the things I did not do "right" and all the things I did that were not representative of the ideal mother. Until, that was, I found out that "she" did not exist. 

My own adventure into the characteristics of my own motherhood found some real meaning when I was asked by a very wise soul: "If you could have done things better, wouldn't you have done so?". Another way to ask was whether or not I would have done something different if I had been aware of a better way of resolving a certain issue or making a decision. With these two questions in mind, I involuntarily began a mult-year look at my own life as a mother, this time not to assign guilt or blame but to be open to the times when I honestly just did the best I could with the things I had. This proved to be a very cathartic and healing journey into the past to bring about  the release of unearned guilt and yes, even shame, in the present. 

During this process I found greater strength and personal confidence. I talked to my adult children about the boatload of negative emotions I'd spent so much of my adult life drifting afloat in. This was another eye-opening exercise. I found that those things I'd been emotionally flagellating myself over were either far from or non-existent in the memories of my children or of very little importance in the greater tapestry of their life.

Ahhhh, but..... in asking these questions I realized I'd opened another Pandora's Box of healing. When they were able to be honest with their own memories and emotions, they shared those issues that they had carried all these years, both negative and positive, most of which I had either forgotten or remembered from a totally different memory and point of view. In any case, it became a very rewarding exercise-of-the-heart, one which I wish now that I had been aware of much earlier in my sojourn into adulthood. 

However, yep here it comes, just like with children, if they are allowed to get away with something, they're going to continue, any way they can until they are absolutely convinced that this is a lost cause. And, when I was inconsistent in my own setting of the boundaries of life and not consistent with the disciplines of training up my children, their chances of taking each opportunity to a next higher level increased each time. That was until I realized that something is going terribly wrong and I had no one to blame but myself because I failed in my responsibility to guide the young lives entrusted into my care by my God, the Creator of all life. 

That's why I now take my life responsibilities as a citizen of this planet more seriously. My children have turned out all right, I believe they each are on the life journey necessary to give them the life skills that they'll need in the future. I'm not as convinced that the government we have responsibility for is learning the necessary lessons to take our country, and ultimately it's citizens, in a healthy direction. As citizens, many of us have, over a period of time, abdicated our responsibility as voters and legal residents of this country called The United States of America. 

And, as a petulant child expecting to get their own way, our government has taken on the challenge (for lack of a better word) of moving the boundaries of governing further and further from the original guidelines set by our Founding Fathers; like the errant child who keeps secret their questionable activities, our government, operating on the premise of doing so for our own good, has taken upon themselves to set forth their own rules for the governiing of their own actions. Executive Orders not worth the paper they're written on, hidden rules tacked on to, and assumed, previous agreements, and the ever convenient excuse aptly named "Prior Consent" serve to confuse the the issues and obliterate the fine lines between acceptable and non-acceptable. 

If certain actions are acceptable (or lack objection) today, tomorrow they stand a very real chance of becoming SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) tomorrow. And, if that Prior Consent becomes law, over a period of time we then, as a nation, run the risk of falling victims to our own inconsistencies and apathy. By our silence, we have given our consent; by our apathy we have relinquished our rights to object. Like the child caught with his or her hand in the cookie jar, we are blamed for the wrongs committed because we didn't put the cookie jar on a high enough shelf. In the end, it can be accused that if we hadn't had the cookie jar with cookies on the premises, the crime wouldn't have been committed. 


I had a cookie jar in my house when my children were growing up, but when I caught their hands anywhere they didn't belong, taking anything that didn't belong to them, that the child's hands were slapped and told that this was unacceptable. They were told that if they wanted something they were to ask first for permission, and that had to be the consistent pattern of responsibility in my house by me, the responsible parent. 


Why isn't this the accepted SOP for governing our country?





 

Taking Responsibility...It's Your Responsibility

This morning I woke up with the issue of responsibility on my mind. As I observe this particular aspect of life I know that there can be too much of one and not enough of the other creating a careless balance which can affect work/career, relationships and self-image. I grew up the oldest of four daughters, of the oldest daughter, of the oldest daughter of the oldest daughter, and my first child was...you guessed it, a beautiful daughter. I did not want to burden her with the same responsibility for her younger brothers, but as time and life went on, I found myself falling into the same unavoidable pitfall that my mother, and her mother before her, was born into. Yet, because of a smidgen of awareness, I also was able to make some corrections, hopefully in time to allow my daughter the right to step out of that "oldest child" role.

While I lived in a world with too much responsibility, some people also live in a world (sometimes of their own choosing) where many of the opportunities to exercise personal, and God-given responsibilities has been slowly taken away from them. Personally, I feel this is very sad because it is, in taking responsibility for decisions and actions, or the exercising of free will, that not only human beings but those inhabitants of the animal kingdom learn the valuable lessons in life necessary to wisdom. 

Parents who try to make life easy for their offspring do them no favors in the long run. I'm not against being able to give children advantages that can enhance their life, make less dangerous, or open up a world of safe and valuable information sharing, such as the Internet. However, too much of a good thing can also be terribly detrimental, and at times extremely harmful to health, happiness or personal welfare. 

In our country we have the Big Government/Big Daddy making more and more decisions for it's citizens, passing laws to keep us safe or hopefully prevent some of the other dangers in life from compromising our life and lifestyle. Yet, it has been proven time and again that you can't legislate stupidity. There will always be that handful (OK basketful) of people who will do what they want, whenever they want, and how they want regardless of any pre-existing laws, legal, moral, or otherwise. 

Yes, they are indeed the bad apples that spoil it for the rest of the citizenry who would rather decide for themselves how much salt they want to ingest, whether or not to wear a seat belt, or whether or not they would be wise to purchase private health insurance. After all, isn't this the land of the free and home of the brave? It's not the government's responsibility to define our freedoms or save us from the consequences and/or disasters from misplaced or reckless bravery. Plain and simple, at least it is to me. 

It has been written, quoted and pontificated that it is the wise person who will (or can) learn from the mistakes of others, and I agree with that 100%. Unfortunately, there are too many who, like myself, forget that pearl of wisdom and think that I'm the exception to the rules. And, when it comes down to the bottom line of whatever issue currently lands with both feet in the middle of my life, if I did not choose wisely, then I must accept responsibility for the good, the bad, or the ugliness of my own life and of my own making. 

Don't you think it's time our own government let US, it's citizens, take their lumps and learn their life lessons? Some argue that doing so would cause chaos with everyone doing what they want. But I have news for the naive of our country...they're doing it anyway! so why not let them live with the consequences instead of passing more laws to prevent more chaos that are in actuality creating a society of zombies who can't make an educated decision about their life issues because Big Daddy Government has usurped our rights to make mistakes, learn from them and gain wisdom for future reference. 

So, what does Government have against it's citizens gaining wisdom? Even the Bible grants us that right. Why does the government of the country which is, for the time being anyway, the greatest on this planet deny us that precious, unalienable right? This inquiring mind would like to know!